I’m…. a little lazy. Ok, I’m really lazy. Sorry. Or should I say gomen?
Interesting to note that the title of the previous chapter is “The Villain’s Story” and this chapter is titled “My Story”. Also, this is the final chapter, with 8 parts, followed by an epilogue and an extra chapter. Note on translation speed/progress/update/continuation at end.
edit – after looking at next chapter, edit to something that now makes more sense.
Gomen ne, Oniisama Chapter 4 part 1
Those Who Have Lost (Something)
My body feels like it’s immersed in a quagmire, unable to move.
As time passed, though I felt that something was leaving my body, I was unable to move a single finger.
I wonder, did I die?
Though, I feel that there wasn’t time for me to think like this when I died last time.
As I feel myself slowly sinking deeper into the mire- someone.. a big hand grabs my arm and began pulling me out.
I didn’t want an ending like this- someone is crying.
This is your story- someone is apologizing.
Please don’t die- someone is praying.
A language I’ve heard before, but a voice I’ve never heard- that’s right, it’s the language I used to speak- “【Origa】won’t die like this,” it said.
So, come on, wake up.
As if led by those words, far away, I hear a voice calling me.
Far away, I feel a hand touching me.
Far away, I feel mana pouring in.
The feeling of being restrained by a quagmire begins to go away, and softly my consciousness begins to rise.
Ah, but, I want to sleep, just a little more.
However, my faint consciousness was gently pulled to the surface by cold hands— I slowly opened my eyes.
The first thing to come into my weak, hazy vision was a middle aged man’s face.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen this person.
“I’m just a healer… Well, it’s good that you’ve regained consciousness. It was getting rather dangerous.”
As I speak while slowly blinking, my throat aches with dull soreness.
The pain is real but I still don’t quite understand the situation.
When I try to get up, my arm collapses under me powerlessly and I’m stuck on the bed. How did I get here?
The man helped me sit up, and rang the bell sitting on the bedside table.
As I looked around idly, trying to understand the situation, I realized that I was in a familiar room.
“…I, am alive?”
“Of course you are. I’d be in trouble if you weren’t. Well, here we go, do you remember your name?”
I said my name in a hoarse voice, and the man looked into my eyes as he handed me a pitcher.
“Good. It seems your consciousness is stable.”
Why am I here?
How did I not die on the battlefield?
As I opened my mouth to ask what happened, Keika ran in the room and broke down crying upon seeing my face. I ended up missing the timing to ask…
I ended up staring at her somehow still dignified appearance as she cried like a child, while rubbing my hands together weakly.
-Recalling the feeling of someone gently pulling my hand in my dream.
According to the explanation I received from Keika, once she calmed down and finished crying, it seems my survival after losing consciousness could only be described as a miracle.
Although Keika, who had been part of the feint, had already returned to the fort, she quickly got some knights from the fort and came to help when she noticed the pillar of flames rising near the fortress.
It seems I didn’t regain consciousness for more than ten days due to the combination of going past my limit to heal Atlas and the overdose of medicine my body wasn’t used to.
Although Atlas was also in severe condition, he was helped by a skilled healing mage who was in the fort.
As if it were a miracle of God- it seems, I’m not allowed to leave the stage so easily.
With the fact that Atlas has survived, the hero’s path hasn’t been broken yet.
With my consciousness more steady, I can feel some incongruity in my chest.
The place where power normally flowed freely, I have a feeling of absence.
Although I want to deny it, the man is just staring absently at the floor while Keika explains the events that have occurred since I fell unconscious.
After she finishes a brief explanation, she continues rambling with a trembling voice, while the man who has been continuously using healing magic says that it should be enough for me to move around, and looks away.
“Well then, Keika. I suppose I should be going now.”
“Wh…. Origa has only just woken up. Even if you say she’ll be fine, I can’t allow such careless treatment of Origa, the family head of the Ruzil.”
When she heard the words of the man who seems to be a healer, she used such words to respond.
I raise my head to see why she’s so worried. I smile weakly to say, you don’t need to worry, since I’m alright, but on her face I can see the shadows of resignation and fatigue.
……Did something happen while I was unconscious?
“Miss Keika. Please don’t misunderstand. I came here at the request of the Ruzil clan, not Origa. My client isn’t in this room.”
As he looks at Keika, trying to protest, the healer lowers his head deferentially.
“Origa-sama, I would like you to move to the guest room now. Of course, as a healer I have no intention of making you do anything unreasonable for your health. But as you have regained consciousness, the duty I was given was to bring you in front of them. Please be understanding.”
At the words of the healer, Keika looks down, chagrined.
If she’s not the one who hired him, I suppose it must have been one of the heavyweights from the family.
Healing magicians are quite rare in the first place, and they don’t have much of a connection with the Ruzil.
Rather than notifying me through Keika, they’re directly requesting me to come to the room.
This type of handling is already not how the head of a family would be treated― I did try to abandon them, so I suppose it can’t be helped.
So. What Atlas risked his life to save, is only this.
“I don’t mind… Keika, can you change my clothes?”
Although I managed to move my legs from the bed and stand up without trembling, indeed, somewhere in my body, there is no strength.
Because I’m aware of what it means, I can understand Keika’s strange behavior of trying to hold on to the healer.
She chose to betray my predecessor because of my disproportionate power to obtain a higher standing, and now that position is in danger.
She’s that kind of character.¹
The words we exchanged as I changed into some simple clothing were monotonous, and she continued to force out a bright voice and act as though nothing was going to happen.
As I enter the room with Keika’s aid, although all the people waiting here are familiar faces from the higher ups of the clan, they all have stern expressions.
Sitting in a chair provided by the doctor, as standing would be bad for me, their gazes all lock on to me.
Is it sorrow, anxiety, or anger on their faces?
But nobody speaks a word, and only the quiet sound of breathing fills the room.
“……Professor. Please tell me the current condition of my body.”²
I broke the silence, unable to bear their constant gaze.
The healer nodded, looked at the men around the room and started explaining.
He started with my body being left with no physical wounds, the drugs had no side effects, and that I would recover my physical strength soon.
Speaking only of the good things, avoiding what I really wanted to know.
Perhaps afraid to continue past the good things, he stuttered and stopped speaking for a moment before continuing.
“Origa-sama, you will probably be unable to use magic by yourself. No, it would be after one more use. It appears that your【vessel】has been cracked.”
At those words, I slowly lower my eyes.
I was aware.
The feeling in the depths of my body has been missing.
There is no pain, but there is a sense of loss.
I can’t feel a trace of that huge magical power.
Most of the magic【Origa】possessed is a congenital talent, not acquired through training.
So I can tell easily how much was lost.
“If the lack of magical power is compensated you can still exercise magic! Origa is good at magic control, so even if the magical power is low,”
“No, that’s not the case.”
Keika’s words, vehemently trying to dispel the silence, were cut off by the doctor.
“The generation of magic power will continue at the same level as normal people, but the vessel itself… the outlet is broken.”
Imagine a teapot, the doctor said with an apologetic face.
Most of the pot is cracked, and moreover, the pouring spout has collapsed and is unable to release the accumulated magical power.
However, although the magical power generation has greatly declined, it will still accumulate at the level of an average mage.
Eventually, the broken vessel will be filled with magical power, and will overflow.
“….If magical power continues to accumulate in your body, it will cause damage when it overflows from your vessel. From now on, keep a magician by your side, and regularly release the excess mana.”
He spoke in a quiet voice, rubbing his hands together with a pained expression.
Nobody in the room opens their mouth.
But they all continued breathing as they stared at me.
When I blankly raised my gaze, my eyes met Keika’s― she stepped back, with a shocked expression on her pale face.
This is probably a particularly shocking event for her, I thought somewhere in my head.
Because she’s like a representation of the Ruzil family’s constitution.
Loving power, disdaining helplessness, seeking perfection― that is Ruzil.
The head of the clan that can’t even use magic without assistance.
The end of the reign of a genius.
I’ve how those without ability see the gifted since I was a child- no, I already know it well from my previous life.
“What will you do, about the position of the head?”
Words were spoken that had occupied the heads of everyone present.
I bit my lips a bit too hard, and tasted a bit of blood.
“…Origa is also the king’s niece. The ceremony of inheritance may encounter difficulties.”
“Then will we make a special case? It will be throwing away our pride.”
A discussion of whether or not to throw me away echoed loudly, someone even hitting their desk.
If it was me before I chose to heal Atlas, there wouldn’t have been anything to threaten my life.
Surviving anything, and ending up in front of Gil-sama.
But, how can I stand before the hero as a villain without any power?
I can’t stand as a villain, someone to be killed, anymore.
“It’s not acceptable for anyone to discover Origa-sama has lost her power. We’ll have to cover it up for now.”
None here intend to turn to me, the head, for my opinion.
A person who still respects me, when I’ve lost my ability as a magician, isn’t here.
None of them care about their head who abandoned them.
“For one, or two years, she can use injuries as a reason to not go out, but what about after that?”
“I heard that the boy who was thrown out awakened to magic recently. It seems he only shows compatibility for water…. How about trying to find if there are any other talented children from that generation?”
“Well then, should we have Origa have a child? Talent is talent. Surely it would be inherited.”
“Then who will you choose? I don’t mind if you choose from among us.”
“It’s necessary to give birth to a child with ability exceeding you. You must choose carefully.”
To have children, is one of the most important roles to propagating magicians.
Although I can’t use my power, I can give birth to a magician.
But, for something like this that isn’t even at the level of a political marriage, as if.
Contrary to my hand that begins trembling, my mind gradually goes cold.
Behind my tightly closed eyelids, for some reason I recalled my mother’s lonely smile.
“―So then, is the former head fine?”
Raising my head at those words, I see the speaker looking at me like an object, emotionlessly.
Hidden behind those cold pupils, is it anger at the one who abandoned them?
“You don’t have to be worried about being closely related.”
Abruptly, an embarrassed voice spoke out― and quickly cut off.
Where is the former head? The inquiry moves to this final question, with steadily increasing discussion.
Even while knowing familial relations are a crime, they are choosing not to worry about it.
The decision, was made.
For a moment, I felt goosebumps.
And an uncomfortable sensation.
Even if I were to seek help from around me, no one here would look at me.
Even Keika is just listening to the discussion, unable to interject.
Even if I try to open my mouth to say something, I don’t know what to say.
Not even a villain, claiming I would protect the clan and then abandoning it, what do I have the right to say?
―Is this my reward?
“I said earlier that the vessel to be inherited was broken. Unfortunately, there is no way that a child Origa gives birth to will be a magician.”
At the words of the healer, who had been listening to the discussion with furrowed eyebrows, the men in the room uniformly lost the heat in their eyes.
Although these words are my salvation, they also deny any value in my existence.
The feeling covering me, must feel similar to how Gil-sama felt when he was watched-
“Someone, anyone, please come! ―It’s an attack!”
As that voice broke the humiliating atmosphere in the room, I stood up to escape.
“What’s the matter?”
Several people were shouting loudly as they arrived at the front gate.
With the successful recapture of the fort, and Gil-sama destroying the magic sealing stones as a water mage, it should be impossible to attack the Ruzil house, an important protector of the country.
I was immediately grabbed by the arm and hidden by a middle-aged man, but the appearance I glimpsed was familiar.
I wanted to confirm it, but the crowd was in the way and it was impossible to get them to listen to me.
“I am the head of the Harvester family, Atlas Ville Harvester. I’d like to see the Ruzil family head.”
“You’ve made the same request many times. The family head’s body has not yet recovered after helping you.”
As I struggled to see who it was, a familiar low voice entered my ears.
There was a level of tension in the voice that made it almost impossible to think that he was on the edge of death the other day.
The voice carries far- considering the distance from the front gate to here.
Perhaps someone is using wind magic… then, are there magicians among those few people?
“I heard that a healer was hired. The results should already have come out. That’s why I came here myself.”
“…That’s right. And I’m telling you that’s not enough of a reason to let you pass.”
My condition has been conveyed to the marquis. (Marquis is the plural form of Marquis)
This is because Atlas and I were rescued together, and I’m not sure if it’s already too late to hide the details.
If it is, it will have a major impact on the war.
Besides the Ruzil there are only the clans of the forest and wind; how much of an impact would if have if it was made public that the head of the clan of fire lost their power-
“Are you planning on throwing Origa away? Then, pass her on to me.”
“Don’t say such rude things about people.”
Yet, my thoughts were drowned out by the men’s voices.
“This is the Ruzil’s problem. It’s not something you, who are no longer the head of a clan, but just an ordinary magician, have the right to interfere with!”
Atlas isn’t the head of a clan.
Something like this doesn’t exist in my memory.
“What is he, talking about?”
“…the new Marquis of the Harvester family, Atlas, chose to relinquish the family’s title as a magician clan.”
The man concealing me behind him replies to my muttered words. The tension in the magic filled air is palpable.
Towards the young man who abandoned the pride of a magician, voices of anger and contempt filled the air.
Although the head of the Ruzil, too, has thrown away her magic, the men are shouting angrily.
I can’t follow this development.
I understand that Atlas came to see me, so why was it considered to be an attack?
Why did Atlas give up the title of a magic clan?
Even though developments and settings like this were never written anywhere in the novel.
While I was breathless from surprise to the point of being unable to speak, the voice coming over the crowd changed.
A smooth voice, slightly higher than Atlas’s- this voice.
“That’s right. I’m not a Ruzil, therefore what I say doesn’t matter- That’s why, I want to meet Origa, and hear what she wants!”
The magicians who recognized the owner of the voice suddenly lost their voices.
Freshly blooming as a water magician, a child of the previous head of the Ruzil.
Perhaps because of a habit from when I was the head, the magicians who are looking at each other, unsure what to do, spontaneously began moving away from in front of me.
Although the heavyweights speaking in the front didn’t go anywhere, due to the thinning of the crowd I could properly recognize their appearances.
Atlas, Gil-sama, and some familiar armed youths in the surroundings- they are, those who have become national heroes.
“…Even a rotten head is still the head. I still have full responsibility as head of the Harvester family. You should just support me, Gil.”
The roots of the trees extend, following the breathing of Atlas as he touches the ground.
Seeing fog springing up behind that, the clansmen begin to panic.
Ignoring the forest magic, water magic is the natural enemy of fire magic, and the one manipulating it is a young man who grew up in the clan of fire.
Knowing all their weak points, and able to effectively use his magic easily since he already knows the structure of the mansion.
The fireballs they throw in a panic have their paths altered by the wind, flying into the magic-formed fog and disappearing.
In the meantime, the trees that tangled the gate tore it down with a groaning sound, and towards the magicians standing in front of them- towards me, continued to stretch.
From the other side of the crowd, Gil-sama saw me, and moved his mouth exaggeratedly.
I will definitely help you, so.
That, repeated many times.
I read it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, words that I had longed to hear.
Hearing this line in this situation, laughter came from the bottom of my chest.
This is, my last chance.
This is, the reason I survived.
This is, the meaning of what the owner of that arm said.
【Origa】will not die here- this is the pre-established harmony.³
“…Keika, burn it down.”
At the words I muttered with a smile, the young fire mage made some noise.
I place my hand on the shoulder of my aid, still shocked stiff, and transfer the magic that has barely accumulated from my body to hers.
Even if I can’t use magic, the technique I practiced to the point of spitting up blood is more important.
And she is the one who has learned it the most closely.
Even though it’s extremely difficult, if I point the direction with my magic, it’s not something impossible for Keika.
I direct the flow of my magic power forward on the street, towards the magicians trying to fire their magic, and instruct Keika to control my magic orally, and she shook her head in surprise.
“Ah, for me… something like this….”
“It’s fine, so do as I say!”
Trembling, Keika forms fire as I instruct and strikes the origin of the magic creating the fog, causing a loud noise as the fog was boiled and turned to steam.
Continuing, I hijack the magic of the mages still working on their spells and bring it to the roots of the nearby trees.
The magicians look back at Keika and me, shocked, as we reproduce the magic I used once against my father in the inheritance ceremony.
I brush my hair back and step forward, and spontaneously the last of the crowd breaks.
Nobody tried to stop me, as the sound of my footsteps echoed.
The roots of the trees that stretched out from the gate were all scorched, and the air was foggy with water vapor.
But the person who was vaguely visible through all that just stared at me with round eyes, without using any more magic.
“It seems like you have fully recovered, Atlas. ……So, what are you here to do?”
Standing on the other side of the broken gate, Atlas frowns and hits Gil-sama on the back.
Startled, he grabs the distorted iron bars of the gate, and asks if my injuries are fine now.
When I nod silently, while staring at me with his beautiful green eyes, he releases the bars, and stretches out his arm. (TN Note: – – surrounds a line Origa recalls reading from story.)
-Let’s go together, Origa. Even if you stay here, you won’t be able to change anything.-
“Let’s go together, Origa. Even if you stay here, nothing will change.”
Ah, that’s right.
The gentle words Gil-sama says.
How many times did I read that line?
How long have I been waiting for that line?
His kind hearted words of being unable to abandon his sister.
“You’ll just die if you stay here. I don’t want you to die, I want you to be happy.”
“…Why are you worrying about me so much?”
“When I’m aware you helped me, how can I let you die! You are- my sister!”
The words【I】have been waiting for.
And that’s why, my response is already set.
“Do you understand who I am? The head of the Ruzil family, the vanguard of the country’s defense. There’s no reason I should be pitied by a loser who failed to be part of the clan of fire.”
The field of flames flashes in my mind.
-I am the head of the Ruzil. It is my duty to use my life to lead the family.-
“Leave. Even if I’ve lost my power I am the head of the Ruzil. It is my duty to use my life to lead the family.”
Standing there is a girl covered in wounds.
-I will live for the sake of my family, and die for the sake of my country. Do you have enough power to change anything?-
“I swore to live for the sake of my family, and die for the sake of my country. Do you have enough power to change anything?”
A young man shouting his desire to save the girl.
-My many compatriots, will you kill?-
“My many compatriots, do you have enough power for me to abandon them?”
And she tramples on the corpses of many compatriots.
-By you, who betrays everyone, my heart cannot be bent.-
“By you, who can’t abandon anyone, my determination cannot be bent.”
My lips, as I say this, slowly draw a smile.
Some scenes may not be reproduced, and they may have disappeared.
But, even as its shape changes, the story is continuing.
Tilting my neck slightly, I open my mouth once again and speak in a volume that can only be heard by those standing right in front of me.
This time, with【my】words.
“I am a sinful person. Those who are innocent, who don’t resist, who do resist, traitors, civilians, aristocrats, anyone who gets in my way, I have killed. Far more than you think. In much worse ways than you think. …..Do you wish happiness for someone like me? If you wish to save many, I myself carry the sin of killing many.”
How stupid it sounds, spoken out loud. Yet, I feel as though a weight somewhere in the recesses of my heart has lightened a bit.
After I whispered my sins, although Gil-sama, who opened his eyes as though he thought it was unbelievable, looked back at Atlas, Atlas only turned his eyes away without opening his mouth.
The words of denial he seeks from his best friend’s mouth will not come.
Because, even if not all of the sins I’ve committed, he probably knew some of it by intuition.
Laughter that I can’t resist comes from my mouth, and I laughed loudly for the first time in a long while.
In the smoky air where everyone is keeping their voices low, only my laughter echoes.
I am the evil that must be killed.
Even if I’ve lost my power, everything I’ve already done has been piling up.
As long as the protagonist realizes it, he will become the hero of the nation’s salvation by felling the existence known as me.
The symbol of the old era. The center of hatred.
I’m sure Gil-sama will be able to discover all the deeds I’ve committed.
And at that time, he will have no choice but to kill me.
Changing the world, with the death of a villain as the stepping stone.
“―I’m returning to my room. Please tell Atlas to return. If the discussion comes to a conclusion, please also tell me.”
I turned around, and not a single person followed me back inside the mansion.
- Keika chooses the side that’s winning.
- Term used was sensei, but she’s not calling him her teacher, more of someone with more knowledge? I decided on professor, master seemed too much, and doctor just felt wrong.
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pre-established_harmony Apparently this is a thing. I didn’t know this was a thing and was confused until I googled it.
Last part- I believe she’s talking to all the people around in the area, not to Gil.
TL Opinions: I want Origa to burn all the higher ups of the family to a crisp.
As serious note, you can basically consider this translation to be on hiatus. I will continue working on it whenever I feel like it, but that’s unlikely to be very often. So if someone who actually knows what they’re doing wants to pick this up, please do. Like seriously, please do. I want this novel to be translated by someone who can actually give it a proper translation. Please.
(I will be working on this, but estimate the pace to be.. About as fast as this one.)
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