Gomen ne, Oniisama Chapter 3 part 2
The Villain’s Exhaustion, and the Man Who Offered His Hand
When I dismissed the idea that I was abandoned,【I】was relieved.
When convinced that I was abandoned,【Origa】was furious.
The process that I was longing for, is occurring in front of my eyes in reality, not a story.
With blood that seems strangely real, and the smell of burning.
―I can’t afford to die in a place like this.
―Quickly, I wish this story would end.
―Dying here has no value.
―This is already the end.
While various thoughts passed through my mind, I robotically continued to destroy magic sealing stones.
A simple path. If I encountered a place where it was difficult to use magic, I burned it thoroughly.
I don’t remember how many people I burned in the process, and my memory of the process is rather blurry.
If there’s nobody I don’t want to hurt, I can use my magic with no limit.
I can just burn anything that approaches me.
These small magic sealing stones, I can destroy without difficulty.
But while avoiding attacks by soldiers holding them, in the end I was forced to fight seriously.
By the time I realized I would be injured if I wasn’t careful, the tendon of my left arm had already been slashed.
I continued to lose blood and my consciousness faded, and performing advanced magic became more difficult as my magic power bottomed out.
Still, for the sake of living, I continued to move my body.
Ignoring the reason that I desire survival.
While I continued this way, mechanically reacting, someone jumped out in front of me.
Before I even registered it someone called my name.
They called me, grabbed my hand, and then I finally realized it was an ally.
The voice I hear startles me- oh, this is a dream.
Although I somehow managed to open my mouth with my mind still clouded, my voice didn’t come out well.
I called the one with black hair with a hoarse voice, and his stiff face relaxed a little.
“Hey, show me your arm. You haven’t burned the wound closed yet?”
His face distorts with anxiety as he grabs my arm, wearing a navy military uniform.
Oh right, this is a battlefield.
I have to report since he’s wearing a commander’s uniform. I try to speak.
They aimed at the moment when it was my turn to sleep. I was tired by continuous battle. My mana was running out.
Things like that aren’t valid excuses, a voice reproaches in my head.
Because, the magicians he entrusted, the magicians who trusted me, I
I should have protected them.
Perhaps he heard my lightly muttered words, since he took his hands away from my arm, and with a slight moment of hesitation touched my head.
I thought his fingers would get dirty, but it’s probably fine since this is a dream, so I didn’t say it.
If this is a dream, he can’t be defiled by my sins.
While I gazed vaguely at his eyes with my vision blurred, I quietly whispered in a voice as low as I could make it.
“You’ve already retreated.”
As I speak, the ivy crawls around the ground with Atlas at the fulcrum.
From what I’ve read, I think this is a magic for finding enemies?
Indeed, I feel like it was only used a single time for this in the story.
To show the backline support character as the main character on the front lines, it’s funny how inconsistent this dream is.
Within my shaking line of sight, is a happy vision.
Atlas, who is a supporting character, one of the main character’s friends, is using magic for my sake. He’s concerned for me.
What a happy dream this is.
As if this were the center of the story.
As if I were-
“I came to rescue you. The others are creating a diversion… oh, that large flame over there.”
Atlas pointed towards the roar of flame rising for just a moment far away in the forest, and I turned my gaze sluggishly towards it.
And, all at once I woke up to the bright color of the flames.
Whose flame it is, I determine in an instant.
―So, this is reality?
I thrust away Atlas with a slight feeling of guilt and responsibility towards him, and take some distance with what little strength I have left.
In front of him, who stares at me with surprise visible in his wide eyes, I spoke.
There’s no reason for help to be here.
How much time has already passed since then?
Since the fort was recaptured. Since the magicians all died. Since I sent the last rescue signal.
My head works slowly, and I push the senseless jumble of emotions and words from my mouth.
“Sent a rescue signal… but, Harvester-sama, ….abandoned..”
What am I saying? And Atlas is reaching out to me with his hands.
The hands of salvation that I’ve seen in my dreams- I knock down the illusion to break it, and raise my voice.
In my head【I】am calm and looking for the enemy, whispering, and【Origa】burning with anger is shouting that she’ll burn everything.
My voice, trembles.
In truth I don’t want, to see reality.
In truth, I want to immerse myself in this dream.
“I know that the fort was recaptured! But, how many days have passed since then? Even though we were so close by, not Harvester-sama, nobody came to help!”
One person, and then another, pierced through by a sword, and killed.
The healing magic can’t keep up, and blood continues to spill, and body parts are lost, unable to bear the pain I continued to keep our hope burning with my flames.
Nevertheless, they continued to die, smiling while dying in pain, believing help will come soon, burned into my mind forever.
Those who wanted to live, would die. Those who wanted to die, asked for my flame.
We risked danger to send the signal to request aid into the sky many times.
But every time we fired it into the sky, despair called to us, little by little.
It seemed, that I was watching【my】end.
“Don’t touch me.”
At the recaptured fort, an unfamiliar knight order and Harvester-sama’s flags have been raised.
Meaning, that it is protected by the hands of a knight order and the magicians.
If there were only knights in that fort, his majesty would be forced to wave his hands helplessly. But, if Harvester-sama’s flag is also raised, magicians are also there.
That’s why, I continued to send the rescue signal with a sense of hope- Not just the soldiers, but even the magicians fighting on the same battlefield as their fellow magicians, why do they abandon their brothers?
Why is something like this permitted, even if it’s the way it was written in the story?
I am a villain.
If you want to kill me, if you want to bring me into it, then just focus on me.
There are countless sacrifices in the background of the story. However, they do not appear in the eyes of the heroes.
That’s why, I wasn’t aware of such a reality.
A villain standing by the hero, what kind of story led to this?
Was I toyed with and left in this wilderness?
What might he be thinking, standing here?
“What do you intend to do? For this person whom you abandoned, what use do you have?”
In the end I, Origa, an abominable magician will only be a problem in the times to come.
This country decided so, and cut me off.
Ignoring everything【Origa】has done so far to protect this country.
Even though we’re magicians the same, they take the face of the victims.
Acting like【Origa】is the one who carries all the sins.
The nature to betray. To sell off. To toy with. To step on dignity. To use hostages as shields. To be a great sinner and kill many.
The tendency to create the【Princess of the Inferno】- in the middle of killing me off, is justice pretending to reach me?¹
“Answer me. If you don’t intend to answer-“
Depending on his answer, I might burn him to death.
I begin to refine heat with my magic.
I may not have enough mana to kill him in one shot, but it doesn’t matter.
Even if the first shot fails, I’ll keep going, as many times as necessary.
Because, I can’t afford to die in a place like this.
But, Atlas’s low voice doused my spirit with cold water.
“My father, died when the fort fell.”
It seemed as if he struggled to force each word out, watching me with a stiff gaze. He spoke, with no eloquence in his serious words, that it wasn’t a joke.
My concentration collapsed, the magic I was forming falling apart.
“Something, like that,”
Harvester-sama, the guardian of the hero, stayed alive until the time the Princess of the Inferno died.
That’s why, I wasn’t concerned at all about leaving Harvester-sama at the fort.
【The Magician and the Country of Night】is a story where nobody except the villains will die.
The protagonists will face many hardships, but will succeed in the end, that kind of story.
It should be a story of such a righteous path.
But, I distorted the story.
This influence, did it cause the death of someone who should have lived?
This influence, did it cause my deployment to become so insane?
Since what time were the gears of this world so twisted?
―For the answer, since when did I turn my eyes away?
Although Atlas’s hand once again takes my arm as I stand dumbfounded, this time I don’t have the energy to ward him off.
He lightly grasped my left arm with his right, and spoke quietly to me.
“….Press it. Although this will only serve as first aid, it’ll close your wound for the time being.”
Slowly, the healing magic soaked into my arm, mending the wound from which blood continued to flow.
Even if it’s connected, I don’t know if I’ll be able to move it again.
There’s no need to waste magic on something like this.
Even though I tried to say thus, the words didn’t come out from my hazy mind.
Perhaps, the magic Atlas used also had a sedative effect.
My emotions that refused to listen to his quiet words, gradually calmed down.
“I’m sure, was worried about you until the end.”
If it was Harvester-sama, definitely.
The feeling of a large hand, stroking my head.
Larger than Atlas’s, and warmer.
The face behind the hand is always smiling.
“There are a lot of people that would prefer if you didn’t return. ….But, I’ve made a promise to bring you back to the guy who is praying for you to return.”
Who on earth are you talking about?
I slaughtered many magicians, many enemies. I stand on a pile of corpses.
Who on earth, would pray for me?
“Let’s go back, Origa.”²
My thoughts are jumbled. I have no ideas. I don’t know what I should choose.
But, through my view blurred by tears, my trembling hand gripped the steady one offered to me.
Watching, as my blood slowly stained Atlas’s dark blue uniform.
1. The kanji 癖 is used for each of these short lines, which means something along the lines of habit/nature/tendency. However, in English rather than a feeling of repetition and emphasis it just ends up seeming draggy because the words are too long :( So, I just included it once.
2. Uses verb to return, which is specifically used to return “home” or something similar